Lawn Care

The grass got its first trim on the year today. But not until I rewired the plug - I felt really manly. I also got my strimmer out and tidied up the edges. Then I got out my bottle of Asda brand weed 'n' feed and treated the lawn to some chemical care. Then I read that the stuff doesn't work very well if you apply it within three days of cutting the grass. Oh well.

I felt I better seize this opportunity to cut the grass as it has been so wet lately. While I was pushing the mower around I got to thinking how it is that we have had lots and lots of rain, but there is some sort of water shortage going on. This seems somehow inconsistent. But then I remembered weatherman Shafernacker saying that only 4 months in the last two years have had above average rainfall. That factoid stuck with me, cos to me it is a clear indication of climate change. As I was pushing the mower around I made lots of assumptions about statistics and then concluded that the chances of only four months out of the previous 24 having above average rainfall were very low indeed. I decided it should be "24 choose 4". Which I then calculated to be one in 198. Being a grumpy old fart I concluded that all this rain may have caused floods and killed somebody, and made my roof leak, but the long term effect of climate change is a hosepipe ban in many English counties. I then applied my weed 'n' feed with a watering can.

The chances of any one month having above average rainfall is fifty-fifty. Maybe. Maybe not. Did Thomasz mean the median average? If he did then I think my maths was fine. I get to assume the months are independent and recall the binomial distribution from A-level maths. On the other hand who actually uses median averages these days? It if more than likely that the statistic reported on the TV was the mean average, in which case I am not sure what it says about anything. You can't relate the two averages without knowing more about the distribution of values.

Consider the "monsoon" pattern of rainfall. (One of the two things I learnt in GSCE Geography. The other was that Rotterdam is a big container port with a "hinterland".) In India or wherever they get monsoons it only rains for one or two months of the year. All their rainfall comes all at once, and it doesn't rain in the other months. You could say that this climate has 10 or 11 months every year with "below average" rainfall. But this pattern of rainfall has been happening for millennia, and only some very poor statistical analysis will link it to climate change.

Solar Panels

Here is a quick thing that has pissed me off.

I just saw this story on the TV about something to do with financial incentives to install solar panels. I could go back and read it properly, but I doubt I will. While watching, I think, "great, there is a scheme to encourage people to get solar panels, and consequently save energy [and the environment]". But the story quickly turns out to be about how some people are worried about the future of the [solar panel installing] industry. Oh no, some people might loose their jobs! *gasp* Surely they are missing the bigger picture? All those suits they were interviewing should be putting saving the planet as their highest priority and not making money.

Look, here is a house with some solar panels on the roof.

In other news, my exciting TV schedule seems to be winding down. Congratulations to Ash Mair on winning Masterchef: The Professionals. Of course the real winner is the food (or Michel's beard). Greg makes some hilarious noises and Michel makes some hilarious expressions; it really is entertaining viewing. Also congratulations to Harry Judd and his professional partner Aliona Vilani. I would have liked to see Jason Donovan win, but Harry was probably the better dancer.

There has been some sort of comedy show on Saturday evenings. In between Brucie's stand-up slots they play music. There may be some dancing or something going on, but I don't pay that much attention.

This means I have more time for other things. Like being bored. Or maybe, just maybe, working on my blog. I an idea for a series (two) of posts. We will have to see...

High pressure

Just been watching The Great British Weather on the BBC and felt I really should express the rage it caused me in the most public way I know how. (Hence this post...)

They seemed to assume that because I was British I wanted it to be hot and sunny. And then proceeded to tell me about all the places in the world where it is uncomfortably hot and how the sun is dangerous. I already knew that, which why I don't want it to be hot and sunny.

I already knew that it used to be fashionable to be pale, but that changed when the working classes moved from the fields to the factories. They failed to explain why so many people find it desirable to be tanned. I did learn that 59% of people in Liverpool use fake tan 5 times a year (or was it a month, I forget).

I really don't understand the appeal of heat. It just makes it difficult or uncomfortable to do simple tasks, like get where you are going, or cut the grass, or sleep. And I don't understand people's desire for tanned skin. I once knew a perfectly normal woman who was worrying about getting some fake tan before she went on holiday, with the justification,

"I can't possibly go sunbathing if I am all pale."

In other news, I had a productive day on Sunday. I did some gardening, and did all the usual things like make meals. I had a potter round the park with the family where I got to watch a few overs of cricket. Not only that, but I baked scones. The circle ones are regular scones with sultanas. The triangle ones are cheese. A jot of mustard makes them extra special.

April showers bring May flowers

Have used the nice weather this weekend to get some stuff done in the garden. I cut one of the two evil hedges and got chance to do some general tidying and weeding and things. It does feel quite manly getting covered in scratches while pruning a giant plant of some sort. Reminds me of man's eternal struggle against nature: I hack it back every year or so, and it keeps growing to be too big and unruly, so I hack it back again. But not before it has done a few points of damage to my flesh. The garden is mostly looking alright at the moment.

I do enjoy using some chemicals on my garden. (It's okay, they are organic.) I get to feed the plants I like and want to nurture, and I get to use my industrial grade poison to indiscriminately kill everything else.

Muscari (Grape Hyacinth)

It seems everybody has been enjoying this unseasonably nice weather with barbecues and sunbathing and stuff. And I hate to be the grumpy bastard (but it is my blog). People have been talking like this is summer. Fudge that! It is 10th April. Early - mid spring. "April showers bring May flowers"? When was the last time that was true, my garden is dry, dry, dry. My lawn should be lush and verdant at this time of year, but looks brown and barren. And my flower beds are turning to dust. I, for one, want it to rain.

Daffodils

As usual, the spring in the north is several weeks behind the south, and the spring in my garden is another couple of weeks behind the rest of the street. My daffodils are flowering now when everybody else's were out ages ago, and my neighbours tulips were out last week, while mine are still getting ready burst open into their brief display.

Dashi Dog (aka Sauci Dog)

In other news, I saw "The Last King of Scotland" last night. Thought I would try something a bit different and I enjoyed it. (Despite saying it isn't what I would usually watch, it still had violence, nudity and a car chase.)

Jumping Jellyfish

It has just cost me some inordinate amount of money to get my car serviced so it will pass its MOT. I was disappointed to find out that the problems were caused by my car's low use. It occurs to me that it would have been cheeper for me and better for the environment if I had gone on pointless car journeys for no reason other than to use my car. I was doing some sums and reckon I could have spent £600 just driving around, using my brakes and charging my battery and done an extra 4000 miles. (Taking my mileage from a meagre 2k, to a more normal 6k.) In that event the car would (probably) have needed very little doing to it and I would have been quids in. Not only that, but it may end up been greener to use all the petrol than to manufacture new parts for my car and dispose of the old ones.

The insurance people called me up to try to sell me some extra things I didn't need. The guy asked if the car was running okay and I mentioned that it hadn't done so well in it's MOT. He said, "Yeah, they are getting very strict and can fail them for the smallest things these days." I thought it but didn't say it, "Yeah, like the brakes not working."

Explore, Rescue, Protect

In other news, I have still failed to change my broadband provider. Not only that, I have had a slow but uninterupted service since starting the transition proceedings 8 weeks ago. Which is good, considering at one time I was told my account was closed. Today I spoke to a lovely man called Ken who was quite helpful, so I have a renewed confidence that we can finally be removed from the evil ISP.

Denying the obvious leads to Chinese food with a citrus finish.

Here is some set theory for you: The set of people who deny climate change is contained in the set of people who deny the holocaust.

Venn diagram

There aren't many people who deny the holocaust, but when we find one, it is good to point them out and laugh at them and call them names. But such people exist and just like creationists and physicists, they have their deep set beliefs and no amount of arguing can change their mind.

Similarly there are people who deny that the climate is changing. Just to confuse matters, there is another group of people who accept the climate is changing, but reckon it is nothing to do with them throwing away tonnes of trash each year, eating beef, flying all over the world and driving an SUV. Both these groups of people are led to the conclusion that because they aren't causing climate change, they don't need to try to stop it.

But which is worse? It seems to me that letting holocaust deniers roam the earth isn't a good thing, it will lead to hatred and antisemitism. However denying that we are fucking with the environment every time we buy a (plastic) punnet of strawberries from Kenya, and drive the home to eat them is a whole lot more serious. And ultimately will cause many more people to die than the holocaust ever did.

In other news I had some nice Chinese food this week. Unfortunately I didn't take any photos, and I don't remember many of the dishes, but I know we avoided all the scary things like intestines and sea cucumber. There was something from a mountain, there was "get back in the pot pig pork" and some incredibly spicy chicken dish. As well as slow cooked pork leg, spicy crispy beef and prawn gunk on mushrooms. The highlight of the meal was the lazy susan, which provided endless entertainment.

Oh, and I still have internet, but who can tell what the future holds. We live in uncertain times.